Is marriage about finding happiness? It sure seems this is the world’s view, and this mindset sets many marriages up for struggles. What if we considered the thought that God’s primary purpose for marriage has little to do with worldly happiness? What if marriage were designed to make us holy far more than to make us happy?
Of course, happiness is important and is often one of the wonderful byproducts of a godly marriage. However, it is not the driving force behind God’s design. The world frequently prioritizes happiness above almost everything else; if it feels good, do it — just do what makes you happy, and on and on. God’s way and the world’s way are often at odds. The world’s way of marriage is based on contract and convenience, while God’s way is rooted in covenant and commitment.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
The one-flesh union speaks to a deep and abiding relationship, reflecting the covenant language used throughout the Bible. Malachi 2:14 is more direct in declaring that marriage is a covenant, with God as a witness and faithfulness as a bedrock principle.
“Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your marriage companion and your wife by covenant.”
A covenant is a permanent, sacrificial relationship. From cover to cover, the Bible repeatedly uses marriage as a living picture of God’s covenant love for His people. When our marriages operate according to God’s design, they reflect the gospel, showing covenant love, sacrifice, and oneness between Christ Jesus and the Church. A contract says, “I’ll love you faithfully as long as I’m happy.” A covenant says, “I’ll love you faithfully as God has loved me.”
Is covenant love always convenient? Absolutely not, but that’s precisely what makes it sacrificial. It’s the same way that Jesus loved us, and He is our model. Marriage is designed to show the world what faithful, redeeming, and selfless love looks like. When our marriages operate according to God’s design, something powerful happens, and the world takes notice. Nothing preaches better than a great marriage when our marriages portray Jesus!
Having a worldly view of marriage, fixated on personal happiness, creates frustration, discontent, and comparison. And when left unchecked, these can lead to far more destructiveness—husbands and wives who are coexisting rather than connecting. Then, couples begin to operate in survival mode. When happiness is our expectation and focus, we begin to drift away from God’s design. No one drifts to a great marriage. There is a better way.
God designed marriage for so much more than our happiness. Marriage is a beautiful refining tool. Karla and I often tell couples that few things will sanctify you like marriage and parenting. They have a way of chipping away at our pride, fears, insecurities, and our need to be in control. It gets us out of our comfort zone and ultimately enables us to grow to be more Christlike.
We will never obtain perfection in this, and the good news is that perfection is not the goal. The goal is to allow God to continue to transform our imperfect lives more and more into His image. A devoted husband and devoted wife, committed to pursuing God and His design for marriage, is a beautiful thing—pursuit, not perfection.
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10
A covenant love for one another is trusting that God’s way is far better than anything the world could offer. We’ve observed something profound over the years. When couples embrace God’s design for marriage, they experience something far greater than happiness. They experience unbridled joy and fulfillment. Fulfillment in Christ, and fulfillment in one another. The two become one.
