Many couples share the same faith—but unfortunately, never quite learn how to share their spiritual lives.
Have you ever pondered why you and your spouse can go to church together, believe the same things—and still struggle to share a real spiritual connection? Many couples would say their faith matters deeply to them. They prioritize regular church attendance, agree on their beliefs, and see their marriage as grounded in something meaningful. And yet, in their day-to-day lives, their spiritual worlds often remain surprisingly separate.
Why is this the case? Overly busy lives, overpacked schedules, and too frequent surface-level communication can lead even good marriages to drift into a pattern where faith is shared in principle—but rarely in practice. You may sit side by side on Sunday, but rarely talk about what God is doing in your life on Monday through Saturday. You may both love the Lord, but not know what the other is praying through, wrestling with, or learning. Over time, something subtle but significant is missing—not shared beliefs, but a shared life with God.
Building your marriage on a strong faith foundation is critical to experiencing all that God desires for you. We believe it’s the most important factor in a thriving and healthy marriage. Marriage was never intended to be lived apart from God.
Beyond building, sustaining the marriage God desires for you to experience goes beyond shared beliefs and occasional or inconsistent practices. Spiritual intimacy is not just about believing the same things—it’s about learning to share a life together with God. The greatest gift we’ll ever give one another is our personal relationship with Jesus. We each need to allow Jesus to transform our lives to look more like Him, and as we do, we learn to love and serve one another the way Jesus loved and served us. But we also need to invite one another into our relationship with Him.
Spiritual intimacy is more than:
Spiritual intimacy does include all of those things, but it is so much more. Jesus doesn’t necessarily ask us to do more, but He does invite us to walk with Him. As a married couple, this is more than an individual invitation; it’s a shared invitation.
Spiritual intimacy grows as we each learn to stay connected to Christ—and begin to bring each other into that relationship. It’s common for couples to both love God and yet experience him only separately. Each person is spiritually committed, but spiritually disconnected as a couple. Deepening spiritual intimacy goes beyond a shared life and into shared spiritual formation.
How do we do this? It’s certainly not about forcing one another into a specific spiritual practice, prayer time, or devotional study. It could certainly include all of those things, but each of us as individuals relates to God in unique ways, and it’s important to both encourage and honor that. One of the best ways we’ve found to deepen spiritual intimacy is by attempting to better understand each other’s walk with God. This goes beyond personal preferences for devotion and gets to the heart of each person feeling more fully known in the relationship. And when you feel more fully known, you definitely experience a deeper spiritual and emotional connection.
Here are a few ways to practically experience this:
Just like any other thing worth having, this does require time, attention, and effort. We have to engage with one another and be genuinely interested. This leads each of us to feel safe sharing. We’ve said it before, no one drifts to a great marriage. Neither do they drift to deeper spiritual intimacy. This is not about adding another item to your to-do list, but about prioritizing time for what matters most. It doesn’t have to be long or complex. It does need to be consistent, heartfelt, and driven by a desire to deepen spiritual intimacy.
A dear friend once shared this thought about intimacy. Intimacy = In-to-me-see. We think that’s fabulous insight, and there’s no better way to see inside one another than by understanding our spouse’s walk with God. As we do, God opens the door for us to pray for one another, pray with one another, encourage each other, and carry one another’s burdens. Our conversations become richer, our grace for one another increases, and oneness is strengthened. Ultimately, all this helps us grow in our faith together. As we walk with God together, allow Him to shape us together, and see our marriage as part of the work He is doing in our lives, we experience something powerful. Spiritual intimacy isn’t built by doing more for God—it’s formed by walking with Him, side by side.
